Dear Mr. Premack: My husband and I live in Texas and our grandchildren ages 5 and 7 live in Arizona. How do I go about seeking visitation rights? My son lost equal custody when they divorced, so we haven't seen them in 3 years. Do we ask a court in Texas or in Arizona? DW

The Arizona courts have jurisdiction over your grandchildren, so you cannot legally bring any type of action in Texas. Arizona law will apply, not Texas law. There is some consistency, because the US Supreme Court issued a ruling on grandparent rights several years ago which all the states must follow. The court gave highest priority to the parents’ rights, and put the grandparents firmly into the back seat. The details of each state’s law will vary, so you should consult with an Arizona family law attorney to see if you have any standing to seek visitation.

Dear Mr. Premack: My mother is threatening to go to court to get custody of my children. I am divorced from their father, am a fit parent, and I am planning to marry soon for the second time. My fiancé has been diagnosed with a mental disorder but is under medical care and takes his medications as directed. His record states nothing of a criminal background especially concerning a child. My mother says, "if you marry that man, mark my words I will get your daughter." Can she? – CW

Texas law gives your mother very limited rights regarding your children. The rights of the parent trump the rights of the grandparent, except under very limited circumstances. A recent case in the Texas Sixth District Court of Appeals (Marriage of Campbell) ruled in favor of the mother and against the grandparent. The court looked at the Texas grandparent rights statute after it was modified to conform to the standards set out by the US Supreme Court.

The attitude in the Texas statute is that "so long as a parent adequately cares for his or her children (i.e., is fit), there will normally be no reason for the State to inject itself into the private realm of the family." Your mother would have to prove that 1) you are in jail, or 2) you have been ruled incompetent by a court, or 3) you are dead, or 4) you do not yourself have legal access to the grandchildren. If none of those are true, the court would have to deny her request for access to the granddaughter.

If any of those four facts is true, then she also must prove that you are acting against the best interest of your daughter with strong evidence that denying her access would "significantly impair the child's physical health or emotional well-being".

Maybe your mother’s threat should be taken in a different light. While she is certainly concerned for the well-being of her granddaughter, she may also be very concerned for your well-being as her daughter. Her threat about the granddaughter may be less about her and more about you, and your mother’s fears for the quality of your life should you remarry.

I have not met your fiancé and have only your description of his condition. He may be a wonderful man who will add beauty to your life. On the other hand, caution is warranted. The fact that "his record states nothing of a criminal background" is not very conclusive. Does he have an arrest record but no convictions? If so, was he arrested for violent behavior? Is there any link between his mental illness and any brushes he may have had with law enforcement? If you marry him, will you be improving you and your daughter’s lives or introducing a new, unstable difficulty?

If you decide to remarry, you should seek counsel from an experienced attorney. You can protect yourself before the marriage by entering into a prenuptial agreement. You should make sure you have a Will to provide financial management for your daughter with a testamentary trust in case of your death. You should ponder who she will live with if you die (her father or your new husband) and make those legal arrangements. Doing these things helps prove you are acting in your daughter’s best interests and that despite your mother’s bluster and threats, her rights are limited by law.